Another election, another dive into the shallow end by the bunch of wankers who won power by pandering to the lowest common denominator — selfish, short-sighted, stupid people.

Strange isn’t it? Labor threatens to take away the franking credit free ride enjoyed by a minuscule percentage of Australian taxpayers, so zillions of people who aren’t affected because they’re way too poor to enjoy the ride fall over themselves in the rush to “stop Bill taking away our money”.

And then we are told Labor lost because it gave too much detail about how it planned to face the future? Even hinting at sensible moves to make alternative energy generation an exportable national strength seemed to be waaaay too risky for Australia.

The Coalition apparently hit the jackpot (including sucking up preferences from Palmer and Hanson votes) because it offered no grand plan, refused to bravely face the future, declined to commit to protecting our environment in the face of climate change, and because it said ‘no’ more often than a sober virgin at Schoolies week.

That suggests any politician with vision and balls stands no chance in future elections. God help this place.

 

Axe murders right, literary prize winners left right out

The final Coalition insult to our intellect was that triple-whammy of stupidity from Scott Morrison and Dutton – allowing two bona fide, certified axe murderers into the country — “because they passed all the tests”. (Even Donald Trump was too smart to let them roam free in the United States of Amerika.)

Meanwhile, our deeply Christian leader is content to leave a small group of refugees to rot in Manus for another three years. One of those, Behrouz Boochani, a Kurdish poet and journalist, who has been there for six years, won the Victorian Prize for Literature this year – but is obviously way more evil and undesirable than the genocidal maniacs Scomo prefers.

By the way, Boochani had to flee Iran because his life was threatened by the extremist nutters Australia has spent the last 27 years fighting, intermittently, in the Middle East.  I hope our PM manages to explain that when he is loitering outside the Pearly Gates.

 

Look at me, I’m a total wanker

You’d have to be seriously challenged in the vision department not to have noticed the proliferation of SUVs with blindingly bright LED strips attached to their bull bars.  As most of the vehicles sporting them already have spotlights (or at the very least, extremely efficient high beams) you have to wonder what purpose those strips serve other than to announce, in big capital letters, The Driver Is A Total Wanker.

Most seem to be home modifications that are not sensibly connected to the dip switch, so they end up blinding whoever is in front of them.

It reminds me of the ultra-bright fog light craze that hit us 20 years ago when the WRX brigade started driving around with Foggies on at all hours. Then, the state government quickly ruled that it was illegal to have the damn things on unless there actually was fog (though that hasn’t stopped some of our retarded brethren).

If you too are getting pissed off by those LED strips, join me in sending a complaint to the State Minister for Transport and Roads, Andrew Constance. You’ll can contact him here. Just type a short message pointing out that those LED strips are a blight, and call for legislation to outlaw the things. We might as well give him something useful to do.

 

Problematic possums given the chop

Rather than leave on a note of doom and gloom . . . 

In a small NSW town a mild summer has resulted in a possum explosion. Common folk set the dogs on them to keep their gardens safe. But the God botherers couldn’t do that . . .

The Anglican church called a meeting to decide what to do about the infestation. After much prayer they decided it was God’s will and they should let God’s divine will rule.

The Baptist deacons put a water-slide on the baptistery, leading to a barrel of water so the possums would drown. But the possums loved the slide and instinctively knew how to swim, so even more of the buggers showed up the following week.

The Pentecostalists knew they should not harm God’s creatures, so they humanely trapped their possums and released them behind the Baptist church.

The Catholic priest, a cunning Jesuit, baptised all the possums so they’d only attend church two or three times a year.

The Synagogue, however, had no problem at all. After they’d circumcised one possum they never saw another.

 

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Kleu

Tony Kleu is a retired journalist and academic who has worked around the world on newspapers that mattered, when newspapers mattered, and can’t remember how the hell he ended up penniless in Orstraya. He’d probably write anything for a small fee and a large glass of red wine.